Cow Wit 

Original Praise Chorus Joke

A Farmer was in the city on business one weekend. While he was there, he attended one of the city's churches. Upon returning home, his wife asked him what it was like at the city church.

"Oh, it was a lot like our country church except they sang these things called 'praise choruses' instead of hymns."

"Praise choruses? What are those?" asked the wife.

"Well, they're sort of like hymns, just different."

"Different how?"

"Well… it's sort of like this. If I said, Martha, the cows are in the corn, it would be a hymn.

"Now if I said, Martha, Martha, Martha, the cows, the white cows, the brown cows, the black cows, the cows, the cows, the cows, are in the corn, in the corn, the corn. Oh, Martha, the cows are in the corn, that would be a praise chorus!"

Praise Chorus Sequel

It just so happened that the same weekend, a businessman was in the country and went to a country church. Upon returning home, his wife asked him how the service was.

"Pretty much the same as ours, except we sang hymns instead of praise choruses."

"Hymns?" his wife replied, "I think my mother told me about those! What were they like?"

"Oh, sort of like a praise chorus except different."

"And that difference would be?"

"All right, if I were to say, Mary, the cows are in the corn, that would be a praise chorus.

"On the other hand, if I said: 'O Mary, wife of my youth with whom I shall all of my days abide, Incline thine ear and hearken unto my cry! For the cows of varying shades and hues - who can explain their ways? Have left the fields in which they graze and have traversed yonder into the fields of golden corn that gleams in the sun.' that would be a hymn"


The Bible


The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."


The Cow


The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk.  The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.

They bought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful.  It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it.  They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.  However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.  No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.  The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening.  "Whenever the bull tires to mount our cow, she moves away.  If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.  When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.  An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thought about this for a minutes and asked, "Did you by chance buy this cow in Illinois?"

The people were dumbfounded since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow.  "You are truly a wise Vet," they said.  "How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois!"

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