Cow Wisdom 

All I need to know about life
I learned from a cow

  • If it's good, milk it for all it's worth
  • Successful people are "moo-vers and shakers"
  • Don't be just one of the herd
  • The cream always rises to the top
  • Don't stoop to barnyard mentality
  • Don't be bossy
  • It's better to have milked and churned than to have never milked at all
  • If you need to get somewhere, hoof it
  • Some days can be udder frustration
  • If you're feeling low, moo yourself a little song
  • Chew your food 50 times before swallowing
  • Don't let others corral you
  • Munch hay while the sun shines
  • He who lives with the herd learns to watch his step
  • Following your heart it will always steer you in the right direction
  • Party 'till the cows come home
  • Live for-heifer young
  • Here's a moo, there's a moo, never wear a moo-moo
  • Wake up in a happy mooo-d
  • Don't cry over spilled milk
  • When chewing your cud, remember: There's no fat, no calories, no cholesterol, and no taste
  • The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence
  • Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on
  • Seize every opportunity and milk it for all it's worth
  • It's better to be seen and not herd
  • Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder relatives
  • Never take any bull from anybody
  • Always let them know who's the bossy
  • Stepping on cowpies brings good luck
  • Black and white is always an appropriate fashion statement
  • Don't forget to cow-nt your blessings every day


Definition of a Cow
A cow is a completely automated milk-manufacturing machine. It is encased in untanned leather and mounted on four vertical, movable supports, one at each corner.

The front end of the machine, or input, contains the cutting and grinding mechanism, utilizing a unique feedback device. Here also are the headlights, air inlet and exhaust, a bumper and a foghorn.

At the rear, the machine carries the milk-dispensing equipment as well as a built-in flyswatter and insect repeller.

The central portion houses a hydro- chemical-conversion unit. Briefly, this consists of four fermentation and storage tanks connected in series by an intricate network of flexible plumbing. This assembly also contains the central heating plant complete with automatic temperature controls, pumping station and main ventilating system. The waste disposal apparatus is located to the rear of this central section.

Cows are available fully assembled in an assortment of sizes and colors. Production output ranges from 2 to 20 tons of milk per year.

In brief, the main external visible features of the cow are: two lookers, two hookers, four stander-uppers, four hanger-downers, and a swishy-wishy.

And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creeps upon the earth after his kind: And God saw that it was good.
Genesis 1:25 

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